Comments- How To Monger Them

If you are an upcoming blogger, you must know how jolly good you feel when a blighter comments on your nincompoopery holy piece of art. If you are not and if you are a woman, it is as good as someone presenting you with a diamond and in case you are a male it means beer free of cost.

But the problem, my dear reader, is that most of the good blogs are sparsely or hardly commented. Rather, generally the most commented blogs should be emanating Methane, you know what I mean, don't you?

Now let me for simplicity sake take you a mini tour of such blogs.

Here goes a blog account of a AGGB (Apne Gali Ka Great Blogger):

Yesterday was Sunday. Even then Sun came. You must wonder because there was never any Mon, Tues, Wednes, Thurs, Fri or Satur that has come on the other days. So I felt very happy and went for shipping, no, no sorry, it's fishing. I sat there for hours together and caught what I think is a very rare species of fish. It was black in color and did not look spherical contradicting my expectations. Unfortunately it did not move after I caught it, I am now wearing it on my left feet and still waiting here for its friend to get hooked, I am really eager to wear fish on my feet.

Posted from my i-Phone.

Comments :

C1: Oh man, you are truly amazing; I did not understand what you wrote when I read it for first time. Only after reading after 2.5 times did I realize what a metamorphic genius your post is. You are simply awesome! I am really proud to know you! Keep them coming!

C2: Great stuff man, I nearly wept reading your post! Seriously man, my empathies with you.

G.B : @C1 thank you very much (wo)man, just pray that I will find the second shoe fish.

@C2: let's meet up for coffee.

C3: Oh wow! You went for shopping? What did you buy?

GB: @C3 hehehe, i like your sense of humor!

C45: For better fishing encounters read my blog at https://xyz@#$%^&*.com

The list goes on........

Now, after spending so many days envying such blogs, I have come up with an idiots guide to monger comments. The tips would be very useful to all the upcoming bloggers to get comments on their posts.

The first tip is tele-marketing.

A worked out example for your sake.

(Upcoming blogger)UB: (calls up his friend) hey man! How are you? long time, no see.

(Unsuspecting friend)UF: Oh yeah, hi, how are you Rajesh.

I am not Rajesh

Yeah, tell me Rakesh.

I am not Rakesh either.

Then why did you call me?

Dude, you are supposed to comment on my blog..!

Oh yeah! Man your blog is ssoooooooo bor***

Hello, I am not able to hear you

Hallo!

Listen, looks like my signal is weak, you are getting it?

Yeah!

Are you able to hear clearly that my signal is weak?

Yeah! Yeah!

Then why don't you leave the comment on my blog, ok?

Yeah!

Sure?

Yeah!

Beep beep beep.......

This way you are making sure that the comment is coming.

Now look at the second way. The barter system

Smart Friend (SF): Man I need to borrow money, you have some 20K?

Unsuspecting Upcoming Blogger (UUB): NO man, I am out of cash!

Hey, I read your blog.

Is it?

It's too cool man. I liked your style. See if you can manage the money.

Oh! By jove! I am saving it for an occasion, I think, I can......

Hey, I left a comment on your blog, did you check?

HEY! I think I have some cash in my locker, you can take it right away!

Things get simpler if you are a manager.

Sub: Boss, I need to take a few days’ leave

Boss: How many days?

Well 5, may be?

That's appalling, you can’t leave the project and go like that, I cant approve!.

Boss! I read your recent post, it is good.

Oh! Yeah?

My friends liked it too, they are thinking of commenting on it!

Oh? Is it? Well, how many days leave you want? 5 is it? May be we can manage, go ahead!

These are just samples, if you liked this I will start writing the book.

Please do not comment... ;-)

Monsoon ...I Missed Her..!!

A lot of commotion deafened me. I felt a weight on my chest. How much I tried to lift open my eyelids but felt drugged… For one last time, I jerked myself awake and forced open my eyes to see that I had dozed off last night while reading.

But what was this endless hoof taps?? I had one quick look around the dimly lit room to find everything as it was the previous night. With sleep still hovering in my eyes, I dragged myself out of the bed wondering what could have been making such an unsoothing chorus….

Barefooted , I walked to the window and pulled apart the curtains that hung dark and heavy on my room. With every inch of the curtain giving way to the morning outside, my eyes grew wider and wider. With the last inch that the curtain drew, sleep seemed to have flushed out of my eyes…. I was aghast to see what I had never seen before…… The Monsoon Shower Of Noida.

I scuttled across the room looking for my slippers but they seemed to be fast asleep, somewhere away from my reach. The mesmerizing thought of enjoying the first spell became so obtuse that I let go off my search and ran to the terrace. Down splashed the rain across my face sending a chill, a feel of purity, innocence, freedom through every corner of my body. I stood there, all hypnotized by the aura of the beautiful morning that had settled on the city.

I let my eyes look a little distance away. The so far quiet trees swayed to the rhythm of the rains as if they too greeted the monsoons. As I edged on towards the creaking wall of the roof, I could just manage to trace out the outline of a twosome in the balcony of other side of park . I strained my eyes through the sheet of shower and there I could see that it was not only me and the trees who were enchanted by the spell but also a sweet couple, locked in each others embrace, kissing each other, welcoming the rains in their own special way, letting the rains rejuvenate their love, feeling the bloom of a new love in them.

The overcast sky, the refreshing rain,the dancing lush green trees, the loving couple…. Ah!

How much I missed HER !!!!!

" I wake up in the morning , to the sound of raindrops

And I wonder where you'd be, And I wonder if it's raining there

Wherever you are , I hope you think of me, When it's raining there.... "

When you are gone...!!

I loved you more than the words can say..

But I forgot to show it every day..

Now the days are gloomy, the nights are sad..

Where are the pleasantries I once had..

The lily n roses bloomed in the lawn..

I wonder where that serenity has gone..

The sky was beaming with hope and light..

Now the clouds of despair have obscured the sight..

I loved the care and tenderness you showed..

Now I am sulking...dejected and bored...

Why I have to go through all this..

When I was completely in bliss..

Why at all this happened...why you had to go...

I am so incomplete without you...didn't you know...

I thought everything was going fine...

But slowly the bond was losing its shine...

You were thinking I was getting indifferent and no longer care...

And I thought...my zeal to transcend - you will share...

You were thinking I am getting busier and don't have time for you...

And I thought...these tough days are just afew...

You were thinking I am not there when you need me much...

And I thought...you would feel the implicit touch...

You were thinking I always forget and get late...

And I thought...you would be a bit more patient and will wait...

You were thinking I was taking everything for granted...

And I thought...you'd understand what I really wanted...

You were thinking all your complaints are going in vain...

And I thought...things would be fine soon again...

"Two bodies, one soul" drifted further and further...

As if two strangers apprehensive of each other...

The sweet nothings gave way to sour arguments...

Bitter recriminations stole the cozy moments...

Finally...you decided to part...

I didn't know how to react...

You thought I'll stop you...

And I thought you'll stop on your own...

But that was not to be...

And the bridge that connected us was blown....

And we were stranded on our respective sides...

With bloated egos too stubborn to break the ice...

Now there's nothing left but to repent and repine...

Does it matter now...whose fault it was...yours or mine...??