ThE UnSpOkEn WoRdS ....!!

Don't know how I have written this ... but at end ...... it brought smile on my face....... perhps u will like it ....!!

Another dark night. An eerie silence prevails over everything; I'm sitting in front of my virtual window, alone…The dark which is grabbing everything, I don't know whether it's around me or within me, I don't know what should I write today. Ah! How few words make me wordless?
Today I have my chest full of sorrows of fears and eyes full of painful tears, heart sighing, wishes dying, soul unjocund and dreams broken. I want to weep, no, I just want to smile, no no, I want to say something. Something yet unspoken, Why my silence can't be heard to understand what I have to say. I want to say people things unspoken, but are they ready to hear unheard?
I can hear people laughing outside my room, for they have to, and for them the day is too short to laugh. For me day is always long, but even then why I have to weep in nights. They say they observe what they deserve, I'm blind and confined. Blind because in striving to see between the lines, how I miss the lines, and sometimes to be little cared how much I have to care.
I want to be loved but always looted, be cared but always crushed, be glad but have to be sad, say words but speak sighs, I want to fly but have no sky. I want to dance but never had chance, I want to be heard not hurt….
Let me shatter these fetters today, and shackle the manacles my way. I want to sing the melody of my soul but my soul doesn't like songs but sighs perhaps. My heart desires but yields suspire. I want to glide not hide, be completed not deleted, cherished not perished, use my life not lose my life. What is my phenomenon? What is my dilemma? I am alone since I started speaking and forlorn since I started seeing and torn ever since I born.I'm tired now. I better sleep now. I need sleep a deep cool sleep that so much I dream about. Dreams, my dreams, purposeless, sleepless, aimless dreams. I have yet to learn to dream about life, light, hope, bright eyes, free soul……, dreams where my inner serenity won't be destroyed by anyone………thats all.

I LoVe yoU....!!

Yep, the three lethal words, that can knock you off your senses, and inject you with a kind of drug, that spreads faster than potassium synide! In every relationship, I mean, relationships with close meanings, have the inclusion of these three words. At one point or other, you may say it to a friend, your mother, your boyfriend/girlfriend, or say even a boss! We all feel, at one point or the other, that relationships are something, we cant live with, and without. We need people in our lives, we need people, whom we can talk to , laugh with, cry our souls out, and share things, which may have been repressed by our subconscious. You can call it, a process of Anagnorisis. But at some level of Anagnorisis, you do feel that the intensity of love in a relationship, may have dipped. The usual rat race, constant relocation, the ever changing ways of the world, have made the formation of relationships very temporary. Nowadays, when a person says ‘I love you’, to the other, it is often said, seizing the moment of the situation, or it is said jokingly, most of the times, its fake, you know when relatives come over and express their love and shit.. Its become a mockery of these words. Why are people finding it so, difficult to keep promises? Is it the lure of the world, or is just inbuilt? I think,its inbuilt. A lot, depends on the person you are. A close friend you had loved, 10 years ago, might not be in your list of the most important people now. Things change, you change, and its adaptability all through life. But one point comes, when you are tired. Tired, and sick of the mesh of hypocrisy and lies around you. A time comes, when you want to hold on to that someone you had loved, but because you went far ahead, you left the person behind. I think, the most important thing in any relationship is consistency, and sincerity. If you mean, that your going to love person "A" for the rest of your life, you make commitments such as ‘I love you’. And, if you feel, your apprehensive about what lies ahead, and you don’t know, whether, you will be able to deal with a relationship with a sincerity, that you had once promised… Then, just don’t say it. Nobody knows the future. Nobody knows, the different shades it carries. But one does know, his or herself. If you are true, pure, and clear, then you can walk the lanes of Park Street, even when your 60, with your best friend. You need to know, how to beat the system of time, love, job, money, exertion, compliance, while living in the system itself. You need to beat the system, while living in it. Its tough stuff, this game am talking about. But it wouldn’t be so hard, if you only allowed yourself some positive thinking.

SuMmEr Of '99..!!

I got my first electric guitar

Bought it at the singer's choice

Played it till my fingers ached

It was the summer of '99....

Me and some guys from college

Had a band and we tried real hard

Partho quit and subro got injured

I shouda known we d never get far...

Oh when I look back now

That summer seemed to last for ever

And if I had a choice

Ya – I'd always wanna be there

Those were the best days of my life.....

When every one was there and complaining

I thought of a degree to earn

Spent my days down at the college

And that's when I met you !

Standing in the economics block

You told me you 'd wait forever

Oh and when you held my hand

I knew that it was now or never

Those were the best days of my life.....

Back in the summer of 99

Man we wer studyn hard

We were young and ambitious

We knew we had to part ways

I guess nothing can last forever – forever ....

And now the times are changing

Look at everything that's come and gone

Sometimes when I hold my old electric guitar

I think about you n wonder what went wrong......

Standing in the economics block

You told me it would last forever

Oh the way you held my hand

I knew that it was now or never

Those were the best days of my life

Back in the summer of 99.......!!!

TuM.....!!

Khubsoorat ho tum par Lajwab nahi,

Sheetal to ho bahut hi Per chandni nahi,
Ho rag tum agr par ragni nahi,
Damak rahi ho kisi tej ki tarah,
Chapla ho tum Par damini nahi ,
Phoolon ki khushboo hai ,
Tere badan main basi hui ,
Tumhare pyar ki pratimurti hai
Mere man main rachi hui,
Pal pal khil rahi ho Kisi kali ki tarah,
Kamniya ho tum Par kamini nahi
Baloon main chupa tera chehraYoon lag raha hai ,
Jaise badlon main Umadti ghumadi ghata
Tere nayanon main dikhte hain Din ke ujaale
Adhron pe teri pyas bhariMad ke hain pyale
Madmast ho rahi ho Kisi mayur ki tarah
Nari ho tum purn par afsosh ki ardhangni nahi..!!

Just Another Day

Just Another Day .. another Monday morning ...It's already 9:00 am... Sun is shinning bright ...Time to wake up ... Time to get ready for work ... the place known as world of Software programming .. with the ingrdient of logic and spices of errors and exceptions.
The mind is in hurry to do everything fast .. but body , Aaahh dont want to ..No otherway to go .... finally got synchronized ... And here I am with my tooth brush in hand at tarace ... looking at the people running fast..!!The same way as clock hands is ticking fast .....it's 9:35 now and I am still taking bath and humming my favourite bathroom pop song ...consedring myself as one of the best bathroom singer ever ....!!
Finally Its 10:00 a.m .. already late for office... and I stand here in the bus stop waiting for the bus to arrive. I stand here in the same manner as I did a few years back waiting for my college bus. Little did I know then that things would change so much in 1 and 1/2 years; the sky under which I am standing seems to be looking at me and smiling .. It is perhaps the only thing that has acted as a witness .. watching the transformation of a loud person into a quiet professional.
I wouldn't blame the professionalism for the change though. It is destiny, or may be you could call it life. Yes Life, esoteric in the true sense, for one does not understand why you meet hundreds of people everyday, work with so many, and still remain lonely.
I am now in one of the corner seats in the bus, looking out of thewindow watching people trying to catch up with "life" .. It's an half n hour's journey and the only company that I generally have is the chatter of the RJ. I seldom notice the person sitting next to me, for its going to be yet another stranger or may be you could say another acquaintance.It is annoying at times when the radio is switched off, not because Iam cut off from the melody or today's hip moving fast beats but because I would now be thrust with thoughts of the solitary journey ahead.
I can't help thinking about the short bus journeys to college ... wellit's a paradox to call a distance of 30 KMs "short", but that is how italways seemed. A typical college day always begins in the bus with allthe familiar faces; you look forward for all your friends to get in, the reasonless giggles, the loud laughter that were stifled to avert the eyes of the lecturers and professors who would watch on us as ifwe were their prospective prey for the day ...well as I said it was a different life then. The pleasant memories of college are in itself good enough to save me from the misery of the bus journey.
I notice that it is time for me to get down and flash my smile of acknowledgement to all the known strangers that I see as I approach my cubicle. A few of my colleagues greet me with their morning wishes and as always, we exchange our pleasantries. Discussions jump to the weekend plans and I wonder what I'd do over the weekend.
It would be just another day staring at the mobile, wishing it wouldring and bring back some wonderful moments that are now missing in lifeor maybe the safer option would be to come to office, for it's my new founded asylum these days. A few years back, weekends or weekdays didn't matter to me, I was always busy. I always stood doubting the authenticity of the wall clock that seemed to be in running too fast to perceive its movement. Alas, now it seems as though my clock is suffering from some kind of paralytic attack.
There is a time in life, where one needs to go ahead, leaving behind your friends and carrying along only memories. You do make new friends,but then you never get the old close ones ... you do meet people who'd be so good to you that you could tell them anything and everything, but you do not find a person to whom you needn't say things ... friends who just know you. Occasional calls from such friends, have been the only thing that I seem to look forward to ...However, I cant help but notice the uneasy pause that lingers around the conversation ..A pause not because of the relationship, but because it is too short a duration to say everything, and of course you cannot completely rule out the paucity of words!
As I sip coffee from the ubiquitous coffee mug, watching the drops of rain, trickling down the tinted glass panes, veiling the scenic beauty outside, I tell myself, may be there will be a day when things will change, when life will offer a rewind, a recap of all the events and I just have to wait.
Capricious are the ways of life, for I know there would be many who'd be able to empathize with me, ironically, even the dear ones that I miss this moment, waiting perhaps...!!
And I keep on waiting.....!!!!

ShE CrIeS

This is based on the real story ... 4 years back when I was returningfrom Pune ... It is about a girl who was sitting just besides me..crying throught the 21 hrs long Journey...and based on the littleconversation i had with her... I can still feel the pain and theagony she was going through .....!!!!
Aha .... the dawn .. the darkness still encompasses you!!! In themiddle of the road she walks back to the unknown. 4 A.M in the morningand the midnight breeze ruffling through her messed up hair. With eyesall filled with glistening tears, partially because of the bitter cold,partially because of the pain inside. A million thoughts runningthrough the mind.. what if this would have happened, what if that hadhappened.
Why ... what ... where.. how... a million thoughts......Coming from her last trial, the last attempt to make it all up, wishing thateverything will be back to normal, he might agree! He said they were made for each other, the uncountable number of promises, how cute shewas always, how her smile was his life and all such crap... yeah crapit was ever. How she changed for him... how dependable he had made herfor everything ranging for mental to emotional support. For everysecond she begged, for every breath she took she called him. for everysecond they talked, she prayed for him. His presence warmed her lifefor so long that it seemed like an eternity. She dint call for him, but he forced his way into her life and then took away everything away from her.But now when he has taken everything away from her.. herlife and hopes and strength, he called one last time saying that it wasnever meant to be like that. He had some other priorities in life andshe must move on... yeah as simple as that ... she must move on!!!!
But she cant now... the only possible way was through a river of tearsand blood. As simple as that ... in a cafe filled with people, youorder a cup of coffee and start the conversation normally and end itwith a suicidal note. You must move on....
She travelled all the way to beg him one last time, to tell him thatif it was'nt him then itcant be anyone else. Without telling her parents that she is going to him with a journey of more than 1000 miles, withouttelling them what she had been through all this time, without telling them that she had given her everything to him and now there is no turning back.She left amongst heavy thunderstorm and rain. With sadness on her face but alittle hope. With all those wonderful moments, the time when the kissed first, the time when they used to roam on the beach, the time when theyused to dance in the rain... all those times.. Now she was back....back to Bangalore .... ISBT(Majistic) ... 4 AM in the morning got down fromthe bus!!!!
Walking towards the city bus stand..... with no one around... some auto walas looking at her... but she is least botheredtoday... she wants to cry but she cant, she is not alone .. walks slowly thinking, not looking at the road... trying to walk.. cudnt walk....
looks at her cell phone wishing there will be atleast a phone call, alast one may be, she had been waiting for it for the past one week... aphone call ... Aha the bus stand has come ... crowded a bit even at 4AMin the morning... ppl looking at her... but she is alone...
"shall i go home!!! shall i run away.... i can die..yeah i should die... but my parents... my younger sister... ... but i need not explain it tothem once im dead!!!!"
"no i cant die..that is such a bad idea..... im just 21... "
"But i cant live without him.... his touch will torture me his senses, hisbreathes .. everything ... i cant live.. i have to die......"
"No it is not the solution, he was never mine... its not the right path...my parents are still there for me ... "
"What will he think if i die for him.... atleast for one time he will think that i loved her.... one time atleast... "
"what shall i take sleeping pills .. no mercury .... no it should be really sad.. i'll write a note"
"But i have to live.. there is nothing called love... its just lust... orrather fun for people... there is nothing called cupid....."
"I have to die...."she stops in the middle of the path...... ppl still around... busy with thebuses and their routine!!! She stands still... with tears crossing theboundries of her eyes... and voices in her mind. To die or not to die... to live or not to live... to love or not to love.......And she cries.... heavily.... falls on the floor... and she cries