I'm a higher order machine learning to learn...

Just Because..!!

Just because- I'm quiet, doesn't mean I don't have a lot to say.
Just because- I appear happy, doesn't mean everything is okay.
Just because- I'm sarcastic, doesn't mean I don't take things seriously.
Just because- I forgive, doesn't mean I forget.
Just because- I don't listen to your problems, doesn't mean I don't care.
Just because- I'm gullible, doesn't mean I can be cheated.
Just because- I'm stubborn, doesn't mean I'm not easygoing.
Just because- I don't know much, doesn't mean I'm stupid.
Just because- I don't show my feelings, doesn't mean I don't have any.
Just because- I'm honest, doesn't mean I'm outspoken.
Just because- I'm not like you, doesn't mean I'm weird.
Just because- I'm unsure, doesn't mean I'm afraid.

Head vs. Heart

I think too much and I wonder a lot. Sometimes to the extend that my mind doesn't really seem to have a firm grasp on all the thoughts in my head because it's just too much. It's not that I want to plan every move or think every time before I do something. It's more like I want to analyze everything I do and everything that happens to me. I think I'm always looking for a reason, even when there isn't really an apparent one.

A lot of people have the same thing probably and it's pretty much a human trait, but still I wonder if we wouldn't think so much about everything and just accept things the way they are and the way they happen, wouldn't we be able to live much happier lives?

I'm a person who acts on emotions, my heart always wins over my head, but afterwards, the head will analyze everything into the most minuscule detail. I don't know, but maybe I should just let things come as they come. It's not like I'm really gonna change anything much by analyzing it. I think my rational mind wants to learn from it, maybe even protect myself from doing the same thing again if it hurts me or becomes a disadvantage for me. But since I act on my feelings, I would probably do the same thing all over again.

It's a pretty dual thing, makes me think that we people are walking dichotomies.. our feelings and our rationality are often complete opposites.. How do we balance this? I often wonder about it, and I can't find a satisfying answer.

Obviously we do this most of the time and we are able to live happy lives for the most part of our existence, but still I think it's an interesting question, though a bit philosophical of course, to ask how we balance the constant battle of head vs. heart, to put it simply.

I am back..!!

Naahiii, Nope, Nyet, Illaiya....I wasn't on a cross country bike expedition spreading awareness on N1H1,AIDS, Cancer, Polio, Piles,Constipation..or any thing of that sort..neither i was selling agarbattees, detergent or Harman Baweja DVDs door to door... and to all my well wisher friends....nor I was on my honeymoon trip to Switzerland.....I am still single and rocking :).. neither outsource to Vietnam or Afghanistan ...!!

Last 7-8 months I was totally involved in the development of a bad model as a team leader ...The work was quite challenging and sometimes irritating because of frequent change requests .... This is the first large project in last 2 and half year in which I was involved deeply .... but at the end it gives me a big relief and satisfaction when I see the application running smoothly... the sleepless night and the hard work finally paid off .....!!

This project taught me a lot as a developer , as a analyzer as a designer... We generally work under a extreme deadline pressure... and we write the code which just work and gives the correct output... which may not be the clean code and prone to some bugs in future..... since, I read a book named "A clean Code" by Robert C Martin. I am quite impressed with the ideas and trying to write clean code as much as possible at the first place itself and suggested the same to my teammates.. As there is a saying "Dirty code is just like a dirty diaper".

I remember one funny incident ... once I put my status message in gtalk as "Trying to write a clean code " a dear friend of mine commented " Ask your Mom or your kamwali bai to help you out..!!" And I replied "There is no Surf Excel invented so far ..thus neither your mom, nor any of your kamwali bai can help"... better help yourself rather than banging your head later on....!!

A LeSSoN..!!

The eerie silence outside .. the cool breeze coming from window and the never ending song on my pavillion made a perfect setup and mood to write....

Sick of the day

Sick of the night

And I row the boat

With hope in light

With memoirs in mind

And love in heart

Confusion throngs my thought

What she is and what she was

I don't know who I was

To her foundness and to her friendliness

What to say of the lust I had

What to say the dreams I beamed

What to say of the words we spoke

What to say of the day we broke

What to say of the melodious fable

Is it the first wind that ripped the ship?

Or the first storm that taught me a lesson

That friendship and love are two side of coin

And yet one never meets the other...!!

Superstore Experience

It was again the damn 11th .. I hate this date of every month ... It is a day on which we have decided to go for a shopping of our monthly chores... It was this Sunday, After a lot of kich kich and jhik jhik I surrendered to my roomate only to see that invincible smile on his face! Okay okay you win…I am ready.

Ya the point… We reached Reliance Fresh superstore…I tell you, it seemed that the whole of gurgaon has been fitted in that tiny store, it was that jam packed !! Took a trolley and entered the store…..the trolley was flawed with respect to various laws of physics which I diligently learnt… Kash kuch saal pahle sikha hota I would have been a better engineer working for a world class company ... I will tell you later why I say so…..

Ya the shopping begins…both my roomate were on a shopping spree filling up the trolley….

The Action: With that trolley I BUMP!!!!! That too straight into this lady’s ass..shucks!!!!! I am so so dead….I could imagine myself in the court in front of the law, in front of the lady, blaming me for that so-called sexual assault….No I didn’t do it intentionally….Its not my fault, the trolley's no your height.....

The Reaction: She turned back….

Her face: burning eyes, fluffing nostrils, clenched teeth…

My face: innocent-lamb-look, kid-after-breaking glass-look, I-am-not-guilty look…..
Hell no..I didn’t do that on purpose…I just prayed that my roomate isn’t around…luckily the lady didn’t say was a hairline escape! Phew…

Flaw number one: It is not always that “Every action has equal and opposite reaction”…it should be rephrased, Mr. Newton….”Every non-intentional action shouldn’t have equal and opposite reaction”….That’s it…
The Moral: Check the trolley that you take, the wheels should not be jammed…because it can defy Newton’s second law….as it did…I applied force, it didn’t move…I applied more, it slided more than what was required and BUMP!!…

The Law: ”Every object in motion or at rest continues to be in that state until an external force is applied to it”

In my words: “Every object should either move freely when or should not move at all when external force is applied to it”.

The results of the experiment could be a disaster!

Anyways all said and done…..I move further…deliberately towards that cute gal. She was coming towards me and I was towards her, even the background music was there….ek ladki ko dekha to aisaa laga :) .. and finally our paths meet….and we are stuck with our trolleys…and we face the known confusion of what happens when I move left (which is her right) anticipating that the gal would take the way right (which is her left). However, she takes her left and I take my right in that confusion only to get stuck again…I smile at her, she smiles back….I leave my way, struggling with the trolley…and there she goes…smiling with a thank you ! Yes !!!!
5Kg rice…. 250 RS
My favourite biscuits…50 RS

Confusions like this with a beautiful gal smiling at you….. priceless !!!!!

Roomates told me to wait so that he shops around and comes back, I was instructed that not to move from there….He leaves…suddenly after sometime I realise that everyone there..only aunties and gals…were looking me as if I am some kinda serial offender! I just realised that I was standing in the middle of the sanitary pad section…Gooooodddd !! Bhago yahaan se…why me??? Achha hua…that aunty was not here..because it is said that…first time its coincidence…second time its happenstance and the third time……Its enemy’s action ! I almost dragged the trolley and myself out of the section…Phew!

Standing there waiting for roomie was torturous…in that congested space which had barely 25 square feet of place to move around…I was being displaced and stared out in disgust by every other aunt, uncles, betes and betis…in that half an hour of wait I must have travelled at least a kilometre in that 25 square feet area!

Suddenly I get this call from my friend, ya the very old pal I was telling her about all this happening there and got lost without realizing that I am laughing aloud talking to her….and as I hung up…I could see the whole world stop…looking at me with all the think boxes above their head (ya ya similar to the ones in the Chacha Choudhary comics)…think boxes which had a picture of a “ground nut” and then in some of them picture of a “nut” and some of them “a pea nut”…and hey here is this gal on whose toe I accidentally stepped on, the think box said “a screw driver !” I rolled my eyes with raised brows with the question … "what????"

Later in the billing queue I realized this that I should have paid more attention to the optimization theory classes rather than just writing poems…It would have helped me chose the shortest line moving at fastest speed taking least time! Because you actually hate the feeling that the queue which you thought to be the shortest is not actually the shortest just because the queue on the other counter seems shorter! And then the feeling that your queue is not moving at all with respect to the other queues…feels like a looser! We forget this that we aren’t the only smart asses around…in fact every other smart ass thinks that he will join the shortest queue only to realise that every body else is thinking that only!

“Bhai sahab aap galat jagah pe khade hain…..” An uncle ji’s voice broke my thought process, I realised he was kinda rude…but somehow I held back the urge to say this back…”uncle pehle to I am no bhai sahab…I am just 25, doosra…3 logo ke baad aap bhi meri hi jagah pe honge! Hai na….”

On my way back to home sweet home, I thought.....

1. Laws are made by circumstances, circumstances are not made by laws, not all laws are harmless !
2. Some confusions in life are meant to be priceless !
3. No matter how fast the queue moves, you move at your own pace !