I'm a higher order machine learning to learn...

Comments- How To Monger Them

If you are an upcoming blogger, you must know how jolly good you feel when a blighter comments on your nincompoopery holy piece of art. If you are not and if you are a woman, it is as good as someone presenting you with a diamond and in case you are a male it means beer free of cost.
But the problem, my dear reader, is that most of the good blogs are sparsely or hardly commented. Rather, generally the most commented blogs should be emanating Methane, you know what I mean, don't you?
Now let me for simplicity sake take you a mini tour of such blogs.
Here goes a blog account of a AGGB (Apne Gali Ka Great Blogger):
Yesterday was Sunday. Even then Sun came. You must wonder because there was never any Mon, Tues, Wednes, Thurs, Fri or Satur that has come on the other days. So I felt very happy and went for shipping, no, no sorry, it's fishing. I sat there for hours together and caught what I think is a very rare species of fish. It was black in color and did not look spherical contradicting my expectations. Unfortunately it did not move after I caught it, I am now wearing it on my left feet and still waiting here for its friend to get hooked, I am really eager to wear fish on my feet.

Posted from my i-Phone.

Comments :
C1: Oh man, you are truly amazing; I did not understand what you wrote when I read it for first time. Only after reading after 2.5 times did I realize what a metamorphic genius your post is. You are simply awesome! I am really proud to know you! Keep them coming!
C2: Great stuff man, I nearly wept reading your post! Seriously man, my empathies with you.
G.B : @C1 thank you very much (wo)man, just pray that I will find the second shoe fish.
@C2: let's meet up for coffee.
C3: Oh wow! You went for shopping? What did you buy?
GB: @C3 hehehe, i like your sense of humor!
C45: For better fishing encounters read my blog at https://xyz@#$%^&*.com

The list goes on........

Now, after spending so many days envying such blogs, I have come up with an idiots guide to monger comments. The tips would be very useful to all the upcoming bloggers to get comments on their posts.

The first tip is tele-marketing.
A worked out example for your sake.
(Upcoming blogger)UB: (calls up his friend) hey man! How are you? long time, no see.
(Unsuspecting friend)UF: Oh yeah, hi, how are you Rajesh.
I am not Rajesh
Yeah, tell me Rakesh.
I am not Rakesh either.
Then why did you call me?
Dude, you are supposed to comment on my blog..!
Oh yeah! Man your blog is ssoooooooo bor***
Hello, I am not able to hear you
Listen, looks like my signal is weak, you are getting it?
Are you able to hear clearly that my signal is weak?
Yeah! Yeah!
Then why don't you leave the comment on my blog, ok?

Beep beep beep.......

This way you are making sure that the comment is coming.

Now look at the second way. The barter system

Smart Friend (SF): Man I need to borrow money, you have some 20K?
Unsuspecting Upcoming Blogger (UUB): NO man, I am out of cash!
Hey, I read your blog.
Is it?
It's too cool man. I liked your style. See if you can manage the money.
Oh! By jove! I am saving it for an occasion, I think, I can......
Hey, I left a comment on your blog, did you check?
HEY! I think I have some cash in my locker, you can take it right away!

Things get simpler if you are a manager.

Sub: Boss, I need to take a few days’ leave
Boss: How many days?
Well 5, may be?
That's appalling, you can’t leave the project and go like that, I cant approve!.
Boss! I read your recent post, it is good.
Oh! Yeah?
My friends liked it too, they are thinking of commenting on it!
Oh? Is it? Well, how many days leave you want? 5 is it? May be we can manage, go ahead!

These are just samples, if you liked this I will start writing the book.

Please do not comment... ;-)


Dominic said...

Here it goes... you forgot about the simplest trade trick "You scratch my back, and I scratch yours".
So one blogger or writer (or more correctly stated - hybrid between naricist and sadist), asks the other to highly praise his/her blog as though the blogger was God's gift to all blog readers, and (s)he returns the favor.

BTW, pardon me for being so punny, but we do hear some of the comments that you have so well culled, posted regularly even on Tech Mate, don't we (reproduced below), even though all of us that the article itself was a lot of Methane :)?

Oh man, you are truly amazing; I did not understand what you wrote when I read it for first time. Only after reading after 2.5 times did I realize what a metamorphic genius your post is. You are simply awesome! I am really proud to know you! Keep them coming...

Priya said...

I got confused as to what comment should I give...or better not to give any!!! Nice one though....:)

Viren said...

LOL!! The Tele-Marketing one was simply ubertastic. Wonder which of these do you follow?? :P

Pritish said...

start a "give one get two" offer. tell the others bloggers to give u one comment and you will give them two (copy paste the same comment twice :-) ) . End of the day, atleast some profit .. right ?

A nUtZlOs BlOkE said...

@ Dominic, you are just too excited to prove me right, arent you ;) ?

@Pritish, good idea man will try :)

Nikhil said...

Giving a true comment. Nice article overall.

Amit said...

pheww !!! No comments ;)